From an overachiever to a housewife: 3 things that I learned in the process

If 10 years ago you would ask my 12-year-old self if she ever planned on becoming a housewife, she would either get offended or laugh in your face. Yet somehow over the last 10 years, I went from a hyper-successful overachiever to a housewife without any working career or income at this very moment.

In this article, I would like to share 3 insights that I gained in this painful but useful process.

Twenties hit hard

I don’t know about you, but I was growing up absolutely assured that my twenties are going to be the time of my life. I am not really sure who is to blame for that - older generations, Hollywood, or both - but I was convinced that my twenties were going to be filled with parties, friends, fun, joy, and little concern.

I think it is safe to say that when I faced depression, poor health, and non-existent social life instead of fun and parties, I was very surprised (let’s put it lightly).

Of course, my first step was to assume that there was something intrinsically wrong with me that prevented me from having the promised “time of my life” while everyone else around me was having fun… until I figured it wasn’t the case.

The thing is, my experience with the twenties doesn’t seem to be unique at all. The majority of people I talked to about it have admitted that their twenties were or still are one of the most confusing and challenging times of their life. And you know what, it actually makes a lot of sense to me now.

For the majority of us, the twenties is the time when for the first time we face the reality of the world as full-on adults, with adult plans, desires, and responsibilities. Yet, our practical experience is still at the level of a teenager.

At 20:

• we are only starting to discover and deal with the trauma that prevents us from building healthy relationships and interesting careers
• we are only learning to take care of our bodies and learn to cater to their needs and limitations
• old school-time relationships often exhaust themselves and we find ourselves in the need to rebuild our social circle

To put it all shortly, we suddenly face the need to do everything while knowing nothing. With this in mind, is it that odd that so many of us get hit hard?

Conclusion: 1) If you are a twenty-something who is struggling and doesn’t really have “the time of your life”, please know that you are not alone in this and there is nothing wrong with you. We got this. 2) If you happen to be an aspiring teenager, please try to not form any expectations of how your life should or shouldn’t go. There is enough pressure in our lives already and very rarely does it help us to actually achieve our goals.

You won’t be able to fool your body for long

“Here is how you can abuse your body to get maximum results for others while doing the bare minimum for yourself.”

This is what I read between the lines of most self-help articles online and this, unfortunately, happens to also be the principle that I wholeheartedly followed throughout my whole adolescence. I will not lie to you, for some time it really worked. Being a hardworking selfless promising student felt really good. The thing is, it didn’t last for long.

The price that I had to pay for bathing in awards while having a 12-hour workday for years was my health later in life.

Your body is not a robot. No matter how excited you are about a new project, your need for sleep, quality food, social interactions, and rest doesn’t disappear. Yes, you can neglect it for some time, but when it hits you back (and believe me it always does), it hits strong.

I personally took it too far. It took me a series of panic attacks, strong depressive episodes, and immune system failures taking over my life to understand that what I was doing to myself was wrong.

I learned the hard way that my body is not a fool. It knows how to defend itself and draw your attention to itself. It starts by sending you mild signals that something is wrong (through headaches, fatigue, low mood) and if you ignore those signals for a long time your body doesn’t really have a choice but to scream for help in major ways.

As a result of long neglect of the health of my mind and body, I had to drop out of uni and take a sabbatical for over a year to recover my mental and physical health. Are you willing to pay such a price for momentary achievements? It is up to you to decide.

Conclusion: It is a very good idea to regularly cater to the needs of your mind and body such as sleep, nutrition, socialization, and rest. Otherwise, your body will forcefully make you do that at some point anyway.

Your value has nothing to do with other people

I think that no one will debate me if I say that Homo sapience is a social creature. Social interactions have been proven to play a huge role in our sense of personal well-being countless times. But as helpful as our society can be, oftentimes it really holds us back as individuals from pursuing our interests or goals through unreasonable beliefs and expectations.

One of such beliefs that I observe in almost every human that I know, including myself, is the idea that your worth as a human is bound to what other people think of you.

The problem with this belief is that it creates inner conflict. On one hand, we as biological entities are set up to always pursue our own interests and goals. On the other hand, pursuing the need to feel loved and cherished we face societal expectations to be selfless and giving, which goes straight against our priorities.

The word “selfish” has a negative tone in all the languages I know and I think it is a problem. Over the years I have discovered that it is much easier to deal with people that are honest and transparent about their motivations and priorities rather than people pleasers.

I think the reason for this is that deep down we all know that every person will eventually prioritize their own well-being and the well-being of their loved ones. It doesn’t mean that such people are evil and it doesn’t even mean that they don’t want the best for others. They are just genuine about their priorities and in my opinion, it makes them much more reliable.

I personally don’t think that people are inherently evil. I feel like humans are very humane at their core, especially if they are provided with safe and fruitful circumstances for personal development. It means that the majority of us would love to make a positive difference in the lives of other people naturally.

Fun fact: now as I stopped being a people pleaser I feel like I am more helpful to others than before.

My point here is that every person deserves to feel valuable regardless of other people’s opinions and to openly pursue their own interests. Of course, some regulations are necessary and they are already put in place in the form of laws. But to be honest I feel like people would naturally respect the value and the interests of other people more if they would recognize their own value more.

Conclusion: Your value has nothing to do with other people. It is okay to prioritize your own interests. Believe in the goodness in you and it will show and make everyone’s life better.

I hope that you found my thoughts helpful and I managed to provide you with some food for thought.

In my Medium blog, I post my thoughts on the variety of topics I find interesting. If you are curious to get to know my work a little bit better, feel free to check out my other articles:

On finding hobbies as an adult, meritocracy, and self-worth

On courage to make unconventional decisions

How moving from a megapolis to a small town affected my life

Thank you for your support!